" A Parents Guide in Shepherding Your Child's Heart

     This morning I was counseled by a dear brother on shepherding a child's heart. So often in evangelical Christianity, parents seek to force their children to be obedient through "behaviorism"  (behavior modification), rather than  a "heart change." As long as our children say what we want them to say like, "yes maam or no, sir" we are happy they are being obedient and respectful, while all the while their hearts have not been changed toward God nor their sin.
     I wanted to share an article by Margy Tripp entitled "What If It's Too Late." The article deals with some basic and very practical ways to shepherd your child's heart, even if you think its too late. Let me just say, it is never too late. Also, I want to encourage you as parents to take the time to shepherd your children's heart regardless of their age or where they are at in life. Remember to be gospel centered, grace saturated, and long-suffering, as God in Christ has been with you and I.

Here is the article...

What If It’s Too Late?

By Margy Tripp

Many parents read or hear Shepherding a Child’s Heart and grow discouraged. “It’s too late to shepherd my children!  We lost control years ago!”  They realize that the early opportunities to shepherd respect for authority and character have been lost to the convenient, worldly, and manipulative methods of behaviorism. For some the circumstances of life have interfered with the nurturing process – i.e. jobs, broken marriages, divorce.   The fruit is painful!  Teenagers raised with behaviorism, especially when it is mixed with some form of Christian values, are often sullen, bitter, and rebellious OR arrogant and legalistic.

If either of these descriptions is true in your home, take heart.  All is not lost!  Remember, it is always God’s work of grace that brings our children to repentance and faith, not our works or our children’s works (Ephesians 2:8, 9).  Our skill in parenting is not the deciding factor in our children’s response to God.  God’s call to parents all along the path of childrearing is to keep the ground of the heart “plowed up” with God’s truth (Deuteronomy 6; Psalm 145:4ff).  Beyond that, it is the work of God’s Spirit.

Often, out of ignorance of the Scriptures or poor training in God’s way, parents forge ahead with the Bible in one hand and the parenting methods of their parents or the “experts” in the other hand.  They earnestly desire to “train up a child in the way he should go…”, but are not well equipped to do it God’s way. That was our experience.  Perhaps this has been your experience as well.  You find yourself now, hearing the call to shepherd your children with the nurture and admonition of the Scripture, and you wonder why you didn’t hear this years ago.  Wherever you are now, God calls you to take hold of the plow.  When and where you heard biblical truth about childrearing must be left to God’s sovereign purposes.  Start now to shepherd your child’s heart!  But how can we hope to “plow up” hearts that have already become hard?

Children allow resentment and bitterness to grow up in a heart that has been devastated by hurt and the painful circumstances of life in a fallen world.  These are hearts that have not been plowed up be God’s truth in God’s way.  This process of plowing up the hard hearts of children and teens is “disarming rebellion”.  Let me summarize the process, which will be expanded on in later issues.

First, we must understand the resistance.  Children become “armed against” ungodly methods of constraining and controlling behavior.  This is particularly evident where Christian faith and behaviorism have been mixed together, wittingly or unwittingly, to keep control.  The truth is, Christian faith and behaviorism don’t mix!  Over years of manipulation, whether it is positive (rewards and incentives) or negative (everything from authoritarian rule to carefully executed punishments or anger and rage), children come to feel justified in their resistance and rebellion (Proverbs 18:19).  Parents perceive the resistance as resistance to God and Christian faith.  However, what they observe may be resistance to unholy methods of discipline and correction.   Because parents are God’s tangible representatives, children increasingly attribute to God the ungracious and manipulative treatment experienced at the hands of parents.  Therefore, they resist God’s authority and resist our attempts to discipline and direct as agents of this God.  It is important for us to identify the source of resistance.

Second, determine to make allies of your children rather than adversaries.  The adversarial relationship that fills the void of meaningful relationship must be broken.  The parent must initiate this.  Talk to them, not once, but often.  Acknowledge your mistake in mixing God’s direction for parenting with the methods of the world – behaviorism.  Identify the means of behaviorism you have used and why they are wrong.  Ask forgiveness for anger, legalism, manipulation, disapproval, (of the emotional sort), threats and guilt trips.  Give your children a biblical picture of shepherding.  Pray with them.  Show them that you want to shepherd them in the same way Christ shepherded you—He looked at the world through your eyes.  He came along side you to comfort and encourage you, even in your sin.  He promises to be with you and to help you walk in His ways.

Third, give your children time to “digest” all you have said and invite them to respectfully ask questions, to tell you ways your previous methods have hurt and confused them.  Don’t defend your past practices; rather help to facilitate your child in expressing the issues that have made them feel justified in their rebellion.  Gently, without accusation or inflammatory language, instruct them to a correct understanding of your parenting where their assessment of your discipline is unfair.  Assure your children of your desire and determination, by God’s grace to learn new ways of bringing discipline and correction to them that will not foster strife and division.  Be quick to genuinely seek forgiveness when you fall into old patterns.

Fourth, tell your children clearly what you expect of them and discuss those expectations with them in ways that they can accept, even if they don’t agree.  This has mostly to do with the way expectations are presented – not as a new set of rules or hoops to jump through – but as standards which we (parents) insist on for your (children’s ) good and God’s glory.  Tell your children what they may expect from you – everything from your response to their behavior to the consequences they may bring on themselves (sowing and reaping) as a result of their choices.

Fifth, PRAY!  While we are not assured that our confessions and honest efforts to reestablish relationship will produce change, we do have the testimony of David in Psalm 51:10-17.  “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore unto me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you.  Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.  You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.  The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”

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 There is something in the humility of confessing our sins that loosens our tongues and gives us the right to speak.  Our children become armed against our ungodly methods of constraining and controlling behavior.  Only taking away their armament will open the way for renewed relationship.

When children have hardened their hearts with the justification that parents have been harsh, uncaring, self-serving, indifferent to their needs and desires, sinfully angry, vengeful, controlling, manipulative, two-faced, inaccessible, proud, or hypocritical in parenting, there is only one solution.  It is that described in James 4.  If we are to disarm rebellion, we must confess the ways we have had alliances with the world in our child-rearing methods – even if it was out of ignorance.  We must ask forgiveness of God and our offended children.  We must humble ourselves in the repentance process and draw near to God in His Word by His Spirit.  In doing so – we “disarm” our children and teens. If they resist further, they have nowhere to hide from the conviction of God’s Spirit because we have removed all the justification due to our own sin and failures.  They must deal with God!  We do not want to be an impediment to our children facing the reality of their rebellion against God.  Removing our offenses clears the path to God’s convicting power.

If you are thinking now, “You just don’t know my teenager!”, you’re right. I don’t.  But God does.  And He is able to make your humble obedience to His truth effective and productive in your home!  We’ll talk about this more in future articles.

In all these efforts, we must by God’s grace exhibit the fruits of the Spirit and the whole armor of God.  Remember, this is not another exercise in behaviorism.  This is a spiritual endeavor—a holy mission.  Be sure your own heart has known the master’s plow – that strong roots and good fruit are evident.  Otherwise, your work will be in vain and you will reap harder hearts than before!  Our hope is this, “Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.”  James 3:18.

                                                                                                                  

A Humble Thank You From the Beck's

This past year has been one of "ups" and "downs," with that said we bless the Lord and thank Him for friends like you. Meditating upon so many brothers and sisters contacting us with prayers, kind words, and financial support was just overwhelming and humbling. I just wanted you to know from our family to yours, the Lord heard your prayers and seen your support for our family, and all of it ministered to us more then you will ever know. Therefore, I say, "thank you." Thank you for being supportive of our family and being a friend when we needed you the most. May the Lord bless you and your family during this holiday season. May you have a Christ-centered time of fellowship with your family and enjoy the blessings He has richly bestowed on all of His people through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. May God be greatly glorified in and through you this coming New Year! Sola Deo Gloria...

"Warning Signs" (pt1)

    

I remember when I drove an eight-teen wheeler the importance of watching, reading, and knowing the road signs. Those road signs were very important as they directed, navigated, and most of all warned me as a driver of what was to come. These road signs became very important, especially in the hills of West Virginia or Virginia. It was in these states the hills became very steep mountains, so steep there were 'run away' truck ramps for trucks that did not heed the 'steep incline' warning signs to be saved. The end result for not heeding these warning signs left 'big trucks' stuck in a ramp full of pea gravel along with a high dollar wrecker bill in order to be pulled out from the ramp.

     As Christians, God has graciously given us 'warning signs' as it pertains to our walk with Him. God has given us 66 books of the Bible, the Holy Spirit, as well as other believers to encourage, exhort, and warn others in their everyday living. The book of Hebrews is one book in particular, which gives several 'warning signs' for the believer to heed and to listen, lest they find themselves 'fallen away' or 'apostates.' We live in a time and day quiet similar to that of Paul and Timothy. Listen to Paul as he instructs and warns Timothy of the last days in 2 Timothy 3:1-5, But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

     We live in a society today, which people claim to be followers of Christ, yet they have no desire for the things of God. Our society teaches us from an early age to be secular humanist or in other words, that life is all about us. We are also taught at an early age to be prideful, to do whatever we think is right in our own eyes, all the while 'tacking' God on at the end, because of course we are Christian. Yet, God's Word reminds us as true believers this is not what pleases Him. Matter of fact, God warns us in His Word about being prideful, James 4:6 "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble." God also warns us about doing whatever we think is right in our own eyes as in Judges 21:25, "In those days there was no king in Israel. Everyone did what was right in his own eyes." This is a sober reminder God is more concerned about His glory and our obedience then our pride or our secular way of thinking.

     Therefore, for the next several weeks I want to take the book of Hebrews and look at the warning signs God gives His people. I believe these warning signs are timely, as many who profess to know Christ live a life which contradicts their profession. My aim in writing this is to encourage us as believers to "examine our lives," according to the Scriptures (2 Cor.13:5). But, also to expose those who are false professors who believe themselves 'regenerate or saved,' yet their lives are so similar to that of the unconverted in the world. I pray God would encourage one and all for His glory and that we as God's people would examine our own hearts, as God would be kind and gracious in exposing our sin lest we fall away. Also, believers and unbelievers both will see and taste the sufficiency and supremacy of Jesus Christ, therefore causing our lives to be conformed more into his image (Rom.8:29). For our good and His glory!

Hebrews 2:1 "Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it."

"A New Year's Revolution"

     Early this morning as I awoke, I was reminded just how quick time flies. I received this blog from Dr. Jason Allen, President of Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, reminding us that the the new year is quickly approaching and many resolutions will be made, namely for spiritual growth as Christians. Dr. Allen gives a brief and concise way to 'revolutionize' your spiritual health. If you are like me so many things competes for our time and often the thing which is the most important gets neglected the most, our spiritual health. As we approach the new year may the Lord help us at PHBC to be recommitted to our intake of God's word by these 'six simple steps to revolutionize your spiritual life.' Click on the link to read article. Be challenged and be encouraged!

"Why You Should Carry Your Children to Visit Shut-Ins?"

1 Peter 4:10 "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace:"

     As a 8 year old boy I used to spend the weekend with my great-grandfather to keep him company after his wife passed away. The weekends with my 'old pawpaw meant several things. First, was WWA wrestling on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights. Secondly, we would go to my great aunts house where I played with my cousins. Thirdly, we went on Saturday visitation for the church. This time of visitation meant visiting children for church on Sunday, helping around the church house, and visiting the sick and shut-ins. This is where I learned the importance of ministering to God's people who were unable to attend church anymore.
     With that said, this evening my family and I went to an assisted living facility where a couple from our church now lives. They have been living in this assisted living facility for about a year and a half now and have been unable to attend church during this time. Prior to their sickness they were faithful to the weekly meetings of the church for several years. One thing that often broke my heart when I was a hospice chaplain was to visit terminal (shut-ins) patient and they tell me, "no one from my church visits anymore." By God's grace I never want that to be said about PHBC. 
     The reasons why I am glad I carried my children to the assisted living today and the reason you should carry your children to visit shut-ins:
1. It teaches your children that shut-ins are still apart of the local church. Although this couple has been unable to attend the weekly meetings they are still a vital part of the Lord's church. They are vital in the sense they pray for the church and the advancement of the gospel of Christ by PHBC.
2. Your children can learn how saints still persevere in their faith. The dear brother spoke of his continual walk with the Lord, his desire to be in worship, and how he continues to pray for the church daily. The gentleman was ecstatic about the new dvd from our last worship service PHBC, which he will soon get to watch.
3. Your children can learn how to minister by just being there. When we walked in the door both their eyes lite up and smiles came upon their faces. My children's presence was priceless, which brought much joy and happiness to their day. Your children can encourage shut-ins in ways you will never known.
4. Your children can learn how a husband is to care for and love his wife until death do them part. Although I try and demonstrate this before them daily with their mother, my boys got to hear and see how this gentleman is loving his wife until the end. The gentleman is able to go home and live, but his wife is not. Therefore, he decided to live unselfishly in the facility with his wife. What a picture of Christ and his church!
5. Your children can learn sacrificial giving by visiting shut-ins.  My children learned this evening that life is not all about them. They learned that being a Christian is a life of sacrificial giving, particularly of their time. But they also learned the importance of serving other Christians.

      In closing, as usual, I left the there more blessed than the couple I visited. I believe my children sensed the same blessing by being able to minister to this shut-in couple. How do I know? This precious couple was the conversation for most of our evening.

What about you? How often do you minister to the shut-ins in your church? Do take your children to visit and minister to them? Does your church have ways set up to minister to shut-ins? 

The Motivation of A Half Marathon

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

     Many of you may or may not know, but I have been training for my first ever 'half marathon.' The race will take place in Clarksville, TN tomorrow morning beginning at 7:30 a.m. I started this adventure over a year and a half ago, when I went to the doctor for a check up and he told me I  had borderline high blood pressure, extremely over weight, and need to do something about it. He suggested I walk 3 times a week for 30 minutes a day. I contemplated that advice for awhile and after 3 months of contemplation I heeded his advice! 
     I begin to walk a little every other day, which was very difficult to do. At the time I weighed an enormous 289 pounds and had not exercised since high school days. After walking for a couple of months I got the hankering to jog a little also. I worked my way up to running for a minute and walking several minutes at a time. Over a period of 6 months I built enough stamina up that I was able to run/jog for 30 minutes. This is when I decided I really enjoyed my new found hobby  and so I registered for my first 5K, last August. 
     Since then I have averaged at least 40 miles a month. I built up to run a 10K, which is 6.2 miles and wanted to run 10K race. After looking for that specific race, I was unable to find one but about the same time one of my pastor friends had signed up for the Go Commando Half Marathon causing me to inquire of this race. My question though was, can I do it? 13.1 miles is a long way, but I knew I had went from walking in 20 minutes to running 6.2 miles in less than a year surely I could do this 'half marathon.'
     With that said, by God's grace I have built up to 10 miles (the farthest in my half marathon training) over the past 3 months of training  Tomorrow, if I am able to finish the race it will be a great achievement for me personally. For so long I have always been one who set goals, but unable to achieve them. I have set this as a personal goal for me and by God's grace He has allowed me to achieve the training, even in the midst of my youngest son's sickness and alot of other responsibilities that I have. 
As with so many other sports running is largely a mental one. You must prepare mentally for running races, especially 13.1 miles. So, tomorrow I have come up with 13 motivational prayers and reminders. I will dedicate each mile either to the memory of a loved one, a prayer for specific individuals, or a praise to God Almighty for His mercy and His grace. I would like to share my list with you:
  My first motivational prayer, praise, or in memory if will be:

Mile #1 To the Glory of God. I will dedicate my very first mile to the glory of God, as He has given me the desire and the ability to take seriously in taking care of my temple which the Holy Spirit of God dwells. I will meditate on God's grace toward me in saving me and calling me to the ministry.
Mile #2 In memory of my great grandfather W.W. Cummings. W.W. Cummings is one of the most influential man God used in my life to tell me about Jesus and His church. As I run tomorrow I will think upon the time he and I shared together.
Mile #3 I will pray for C.J. Jackson and family. C.J. is a young man who was on Dylan's baseball team a few year back and has recently diagnosed with leukemia. I will dedicate this mile to praying for him and his family.
Mile #4 I will pray for Barry Carpenter and the church planters in the Philippines. Barry is a missionary whom PHBC supports in his efforts in getting the gospel to the ends of the earth. Also, Barry trains pastors in order they have a better understand of the church and the gospel.
Miles #5 I will pray specifically for the lost in my family and community. I am reminded each day the brevity of life and so many in my family and community who are without Christ and eternal salvation.
Mile #6 I will pray for Children's Hospital at Vanderbilt, patients, nurses, and doctors. I have grown fond of this place over the last several months. God has used them in our lives in a mighty way. Therefore, I want to dedicate this mile to them.
Mile #7 I will pray for a wedding taking place in Montana. A church member's brother and best friend are getting married tomorrow. They have visited out church on several occasions  so I want to dedicate this mile that God would bless their marriage.
Mile #8 I will run this mile in memory of my Uncle Wade. The second man I holds a special place in my life is my uncle Wade who died 18 years ago in a 18 wheeler wreck. I will think on the times I shared with him as I run.
Mile #9 I will praise God for the work of His grace at PHBC. I am overwhelmed by God's grace in how He has called men, women, boys, and girls to Himself for salvation. How He has been growing His church by drawing people to hear the gospel of Jesus Christ. So, I will praise my God throughout this mile.
Mile #10 I will praise God for the gift of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary during this mile. I have been fortunate to receive a theological education at one of the best seminaries in the world. I will praise God for the gift and privilege of attending this institution and the leadership God has raised up for this particular season.
Mile #11 I will pray for the future of PHBC. There is a lot to pray over and for as we move forward for the future of PHBC. I will dedicate this mile to prayer for the future of PHBC and to the members who make up the church at Pleasant Hill. I am thankful and love each one of you.
Mile #12 I will praise God for my family. This mile is dedicated to my family for putting up with all my training. I am so grateful for my families patience with me and how they have supported me, especially my wife, by encouraging me along the way when I wanted to quit. I love you, Sam and thank you for you support in my endeavors. Without you I could do nothing!
Mile #13 I will praise God for my eternal salvation and giving me a desire to persevere in sanctification. I wished I were perfect, but unfortunately I am not. Therefore, I stand in need of God's grace and the forgiveness which is offered through the gospel of Jesus Christ each day. I stand amazed in the power of the gospel...How God can take a man like me, dead in my sins and trespasses and give him a new desire to serve and love Him. I am so unworthy for such a work of His grace, but that is what makes it SO amazing. Tomorrow as I enter my last mile (Lord willing) I will be reminded of the persevering grace of God in salvation that He gives His children. Thus, reminding me of the persevering grace He will give me to finish that last mile.

So, I covet your prayers for tomorrow as I run my first 'half marathon.' Thank you and God bless!

Two Kind of Tongues

1st Corinthians 12:27-31 Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. 28 And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30 Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? 31 But earnestly desire the higher gifts.

And I will show you a still more excellent way.

From the outset I want it be known this is not an attack on my charismatic friends. Rather this is an honest look at the Scripture to see what it says concerning the 'gift of tongues.'
So, how does one interpret text such as Acts 2, 1st Corinthians 12,14? Are tongues possible still today?  Were they "angelic" language or "ordinary" language? Well, it would serve us well to look at "What saith the Scriptures?" Nathan Busenitz gives biblical overview of the gifts of tongues by comparing text concerning tongues.
Nathan has written a timely blog post concerning this matter of tongues. Nathan serves on the pastoral staff of Grace Church and teaches theology at The Master's Seminary in Los Angeles.

Click link to read blog post:

Two Kinds of Tongues