"Through the Fire"

Today's guest blogger is Jessica Cleveland Thoms. Jessica lives in middle Tennessee where she currently teaches high school English. You can usually find her writing, shopping, attending concerts, laughing at her own jokes, loving on any animal she can find, and purchasing unnecessary items covered in glitter. She and her husband, Tristin, are both members at Pleasant Hill Baptist Church in Orlinda, Tennessee, and this is her second post in a three-part series on marriage. You can read more of Jessica's writing at Grace for Sparrows.

First of all, I hope readers will understand the true motive of this three-part blog series on marriage.  It is not for the purpose of airing dirty laundry or showcasing even slightly perceived self-righteousness.  The reason I was even approached about telling my story on this platform in the first place is so that it could encourage others who are in the trenches of marriage and ultimately become a mirror that reflects the incredible glory and power of God.  With that sole purpose in mind, I share with you part two of this series.

In today’s extremely disposable culture, a five-year wedding anniversary is something to be celebrated. 

Last summer, I had spent most of my time off work lining up the most perfect anniversary celebration for my husband and myself; I had ordered a gown, made restaurant reservations, dry-cleaned his suit, booked a hair and makeup appointment, and even orchestrated for a photographer to take anniversary pictures of us before dinner.  It was going to be perfect.

My husband didn’t seem to care one way or the other, but that wasn’t unusual.  I’m used to him humoring me and going through the motions because he loves me and trusts me to handle the adulting.

And then, just a few days before our anniversary, an intuition that I can only attribute to the Holy Spirit hit me. 

Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong.  And when he became increasingly withdrawn and sullen and wouldn’t talk to me about it, I followed the evidence trail to the biggest shock of my life.

An ex of his had resurfaced on social media. They had spent hours on the phone before and after work for weeks. She conveniently lived close by. And while he promised that it had not manifested physically, they had pledged their love to one another and commitment to building a new life together.

I do not exaggerate when I say that my entire world was shattered. I had known that our marriage was not in a great place (I had posted “The Marital Slaughterhouse”—part one of this series—on my personal blog just a few weeks prior), but I was hell-bent and determined to celebrate the fact that we had made it to five years at least.  Besides that, I may not have been happily married, but I was still married and planning on staying married.

My initial reactions were definitely of the flesh. I wept, I pleaded, I begged, and ultimately, I went to stay with my parents.  I couldn’t fathom how he had seemingly turned this switch off, how he could just be “done” with no chance for us to truly work on anything.  Despite my great level of unhappiness, I had told myself I would never, EVER give up the way that he had.

The night before our five-year anniversary, my husband sat down to talk with both me and our pastor (who married us) about the whole ordeal.  My husband’s expression was completely flat and emotionless as he looked at both of us and declared, “I have been done with this marriage for a long time. I don’t love Jessica, and I’m ready to get divorced. NOTHING will change my mind.”

I still couldn’t believe it.  This was not my husband.  I truly believed that, based upon his years of fruit and public profession, my husband had saving faith through Christ.  This was NOT supposed to happen, and especially not to ME.  I had done everything right.  I had gone to church and served in church and gone to college and held a job and respected my parents and got my husband in church and posted Bible verses on social media and all of those other little things that, if we were really honest, we often tell ourselves are enough penance for God to “reward” us with an easy and blessed life (more on that foolish and damnable ideology later in part three of this series).

The next several weeks were a roller coaster.  I canceled all of my fancy celebratory plans and convinced him to go eat dinner with me on our actual anniversary.  He even stayed in our home that night but assured me it was solely to appease me and that he would be living with his parents until the divorce was finalized.  I begged him not to file any paperwork for at least two weeks, to which, by the absolute grace of God, he agreed to, and he even agreed to spend every other night in our home instead of his parents’.

Friends, let me just pause here to tell you how sweet Jesus is.  He is sweet in a way that I never even understood until I was absolutely alone in that apartment in the wee hours of the morning, that fresh and bright little apartment that I absolutely loved and spent so much time decorating and making into a home for us that year. Do you know what it’s like to lie on the floor and weep Psalms to the Savior at 3AM night after night?  It’s humbling and heartbreaking, among so many other things. 

No matter how broken I was and how much I wept, I 100% absolutely and without a doubt had peace about the entire situation.  This fact is not logical or scientific by any means whatsoever.  Friend, if you have never had your world ripped out from under you yet and you don’t have a strong hold on the total sovereignty of God, I beg you to prepare by trusting in His sufficiency now.  I would not have survived this ordeal without that foundation of faith and trust.  This did not alter my extreme sadness and heartbreak, but it did give me comfort in knowing that God had a reason for what was happening or it would not have happened.

It was extremely clear to me at this point: my husband was going to divorce me.  He was only waiting to file in order to honor a last request from me.  He was still communicating with and seeing the woman he claimed to love.  He was excited about becoming a dad to her kids.  Our marriage was indeed over, and yet, Jesus continued to supply me with indescribable peace amidst the heartbreak.

I taped Mark 9:24 to my mirror and prayed it dozens of times throughout the day.  I prayed Psalms.  I played and sang out hymns, just as David did.  I laid in the arms of my sweet mama and cried.  At the recommendation of a friend, I began listening to an audiobook of Martha Peace’s The Excellent Wife, where my perspective of marriage and understanding of how to be a wife was completely obliterated.  If you’re a wife and you haven’t read it, I implore you to do so, regardless if your marriage is great or falling apart or your husband has already left; there is literally a chapter and biblically sound advice for every single situation. 

One of the many, many key things I took away from this book was how selfish I had been by focusing on what my husband failed to do in my eyes, especially in the wake of everything that had recently happened.  Peace argues that even if the greater percentage of a marriage’s problems belong to one spouse, the other spouse must own 100% of THEIR percentage of the problems and failures.  I had wholeheartedly failed to do that.  I was also convicted of the fact that we had “normalized” the concept of divorce in our household during our many months of marital strife.  It became commonplace for us to speak of what would happen if we got divorced, or how we would definitely still be in contact with one another on such and such holiday, or how we would still text and hang out, or that we should go ahead and have a child together even if we split up because there was no better person in our immediate realms to procreate with and we weren’t getting any younger.  I cannot express how vital it is to the wellbeing of your marriage for the word “divorce” to never escape your lips.  We live in a world where it’s extremely easy to get caught up in divorce becoming a viable option, even (especially?) within the church.  Fight this temptation.  Fight it hard.

What the Lord prompted me to do next is going to fly all over some readers.  The following words have lost and will continue to lose me respect, empathy, and even friendships.

They will place me on a metaphorical pedestal of mockery in the wake of a feminist, marriage-hating culture that cries out, “Men ain’t crap,” though men be the very image-bearers of the Living God. 

They may even make an entire community turn their heads in disgust and question how an “educated woman” can be so utterly “stupid.”

I vowed that even if my husband was going to leave me, I was going to do everything I could, by God’s grace, to be humble, serving, and Christlike.  I scrubbed our apartment by myself until it was spotless because I knew he liked thing orderly.  I cooked his favorite meals on the nights he chose to stay at our home.  I continued to read Scripture and pray.  I confessed my inadequateness both to him and to the Lord in all respects.  I apologized for my shortcomings, despite the fact that he was not sorrowful about any of his.  I bit the inside of my cheek until it literally bled when his mistress shot me looks in the streets of our small town. I prayed for more meekness.  I prayed that I could be silent when needed.  I prayed for boldness when I needed to speak.  I listened to theological podcasts.  I read Lysa TerKeurst’s timely story of marital redemption and prayed for more faith.  I prayed for the right spirit and attitude, not just for this situation, but for the rest of my life regardless of the outcome of our marriage.  I prayed for a miracle, but I prayed for peace even though our marriage was over.

At first, my husband was terribly mean in the face of my actions.  Looking back now, I can clearly see that this reaction was an outward display of his internal pushback against the Holy Spirit’s drawing in and conviction of his glaring sin.  A few nights into our new norm, he asked me why I was being so nice to him after everything he was doing to me.  I could only respond in tears then, but the answer was and is that it was the only way to behave as a true follower of Christ, and He alone gave me the power to do it.  Trust me, I wanted to retaliate.  I wanted to beat the other woman senseless.  I wanted her to hurt the way I was hurting, especially since I had always tried to be nice to her in the years that I had known her.  I had to continuously remind myself that God in the flesh was reviled by the world and had done nothing, and yet, He didn’t open His mouth or retaliate once (Isaiah 53:7).

The end of the two weeks came, and no paperwork was filed.  He had stopped staying at his parents’ house.  We laughed and cried and talked into the early morning hours.  His communication with her slowed and then became virtually nonexistent.  I thought that the worst was over, that we just might have made it through the fire, for better or for worse.  He had not yet apologized or asked for forgiveness from me, but I could see traces of his true personality coming back.  God indeed had intervened; He had prevented the progression of the worst at this point.  It was nothing short of a miracle.  But unbeknownst to me, the Lord was still preparing me for the repercussions of this trial.

I will stop here to remind you that this post is not a recipe for divorce prevention. I dare not tell you that following these same steps will stop the end of your marriage.  I am confident, however, that faithfulness to following God’s will and Word always brings about the results that are for our good and His glory in some way, even if we can’t see it immediately.  I am still married, and God is good.  I feel the ripple effects of these events every single week in some form or fashion, but God is still good. Even if my marriage had ended and I was completely alone, God would still be good.  He is good—always.  And His goodness was about to be revealed to me in new ways—even in the amplified heartache that was still to come.

"Stay In the Book"

Happy New Year! It is hard to believe it is 2019. And with the New Year beginning today, it is a great time to commit to reading through your Bible systematically. I have a favorite saying to those who come to embrace Christ as their Lord and Savior. I like to tell them, "Stay in the book!" In other words, READ YOUR BIBLE! I wonder if any of you read your Bible in its entirety this year? Did you know it only takes 72 hours to read your Bible straight through? Or if you read 16 chapters, which would take an hour a day, you could read the Bible in 3 months?  Many claims, "I don't have the time" but in reality, we all have the same 24 hours a day. Its how we choose to use them.

Jesus said, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God" (Matt.4:4). We would be foolish, nor would we go days, even months without eating food. We would never starve ourselves when it comes to physical food; so why is it there are many who profess to follow Christ who starves themselves from their spiritual food? I believe there are two clear-cut answers:

First, if a person does not desire to spend time in God's Word they have allowed sin to overcome them. They have failed to understand the glories of Christ found in His Word. They are forsaking the communion and worship of God by replacing it with some other god. A.W. Tozer said, "Whatever keeps me from my Bible is my enemy." Perhaps, you have struggled with reading God's Word on a regular basis this year or since becoming a Christian. You must repent. Ask God to forgive you and to help you. Then ask Him to help you become more discipline.   Set an appointment and stick to it as if your life, no your soul depended upon it.  

 Second, if a person has no desire to spend time in God's Word it maybe they are not a Christian. When a person who has been born again by the Spirit of God, He gives them a desire to read God's Word. No one will have to convince them to read, study, and meditate on God's Word. God the Holy Spirit gives that person a holy hunger for the things of God. If you have no desire to read the Word of God you may need to examine yourself (2 Cor.13:5) to see if you are in the faith.

Regardless, I suggest each person have a systematic way of reading God's Word. I like reading different plans each year, as well as from different translations. This last year I read the Old/New Testament passages each day plan and read from HCSB. I like reading from my a hard copy of the Bible instead of an electronic one. There are too many distractions when reading from electronic one and I suggest the same. This year I have chosen the "5 Day Reading Plan." 

In closing, there are many reading plans, mobile apps, and daily reminders that there is really no excuse for a Christian not to read their Bibles on a daily basis. So, I am placing a link on here that has several different Bible reading plans to choose from. Click the link to choose your Bible Reading Plans for 2019. The main thing is to simply READ YOUR BIBLE!  I'd also be interested to hear which one you choose. Let me know. And may the Lord be pleased to reveal more of Himself to you as you seek to know more of Him in 2019. SDG.

“The Marital Slaughterhouse”

Today's guest blogger is Jessica Cleveland Thoms. Jessica lives in middle Tennessee where she currently teaches high school English. You can usually find her writing, shopping, attending concerts, laughing at her own jokes, loving on any animal she can find, and purchasing unnecessary items covered in glitter. She and her husband, Tristen, are both members at Pleasant Hill Baptist Church in Orlinda, TN. You can read more of Jessica's writing at Grace for Sparrows.

Y’all know how much I love writing, and if I can combine that with the ability to entertain people, then I am ecstatic.  I totally get why comedians do what they do professionally— for me, there is no better high than making people laugh.

I must warn you that it is a bit awkward for me to write this because I am used to throwing in humor when talking about marriage and navigating the world as a Christian, but the nature of this post is a bit more serious. I know for a fact that I’m not alone on this subject and knew that it was important to share the struggles I’ve encountered and what I’ve learned in the hopes that it may help or encourage someone else.

So without further ado, here it is:

My husband and I are not in love.

That’s right.

Seven years of togetherness and five years of marriage next month, and we both agree that we are no longer in love.

There was no lavish affair, no devastating secrets, no lack of fulfillment of marital duties—nothing that would seemingly “justify” a falling out of love in today’s society.

That is not to say that we don’t care about one another deeply— we most certainly do.  But if you ask most people in this day and age, “love, but not IN love” is 100% enough of a reason to walk away from a marriage.

We got married when we were both in bad places in our lives.  By our own admission, our motives were extremely selfish.  We didn’t know what we were doing, and we didn’t care.  We also changed.  We grew up a lot.  We have very different families and backgrounds and experiences.  I realized that I spent my life trying to mold myself after whatever man I was interested in, and when I stopped doing that and became my own person a few years ago, we realized that we were two very different people now more than ever.

Tristin and I have had no shortage of opinions and advice from people on our situation.  I can’t speak for him, but I know the advice I have been given has been all over the board.  Don’t misunderstand me—I’ve been thankful for the kindness of my friends and family members and co-workers who have known about our struggles and offered their advice; however, I have been occasionally saddened by what I’ve been told as well.

A friend of mine who is an outspoken non-believer told me that I should get divorced immediately, which didn’t surprise me too much.  I quote: “You’re still so young, Jess. You are too good of a person and would be too amazing of a mother to stay somewhere where you’re not worshipped every day.”  (Yes.  Me.  Worshipped.  More on that later.)

Some told me to fight it out, quite literally, to the death. Counseling, retreats, books—whatever it took to save the marriage, even if I had to do it alone.

A surprising number of people on both sides of the religious aisle told me we should have a baby to occupy our time and energy, going so far as to even say it’s what they did and that it was the perfect distraction.  Some even threw in that if we had had kids sooner, we would’ve been too busy to discover or care about any underlying problems.  And before you scoff at that suggestion judgmentally, just know that that happens all the time.  I know too many divorced parents of toddlers for it to not be a thing that people do.

Many, MANY others, both Christians and flat-out atheists, told me that I should just “let my heart decide.”

I was and am very thankful for the advice I’ve received over the last couple of years.  I’m also thankful that I’m secure enough in my beliefs and knowledge to know what biblically sound advice is and what is heartfelt but often misguided.

I think the first fundamental truth you have to know about navigating marriage starts here:

Place your right hand over the left side of your chest.

Feel that?

That thumping you feel is your heart, and it’s a built-in marriage killer—a marital slaughterhouse, if you will.

Your heart is absolutely full of sin.  And even someone who is truly transformed by the power and blood of Christ will always, always, ALWAYS be naturally inclined to follow the evil desires of your flesh (heart) if left unchecked and without the Spirit of God.  Man is totally deprived of goodness; literally, no one is “good” (Romans 3:23).  This is why you have to crucify yourself and YOUR wants and desires daily to be a Christian, and especially to be a married Christian (Matthew 16:24).

My sinful heart tells me that, just as my friend said, I deserve to be placed upon a pedestal and worshipped.  Our feminist culture makes women feel like failures if they don’t have a significant other who’s a mindless slave and tells them that they’re perfect all day long, which is dangerous on a lot of levels— but that’s for another blog.

My sinful heart tells me that I deserve to be with someone who appreciates the facets of my personality that I find to be the most endearing.

My sinful heart tells me that if I’m not happy, I should jump ship because I deserve to be happy.

This is why I’ve become especially thankful for our church and the elders who have taught me so much over the last several years.  I’m thankful that I read books on marriage that taught me about what it is and is not.  I am also immensely thankful for a pastor who sat down with us before we got married and told us, in so many words, that marriage is not about your happiness.

I KNOW.  The minute some of y’all read that, you went, “WHAT THE WHAT?! IF YOU’RE NOT HAPPY, IT AIN’T WORTH IT! Life is too short, sister!!”

And I’ll be the first to admit, I spent several months and years believing that to be true also. 

But I’m here to tell you that:

• Happiness is irrelevant because it is rooted in emotions and feelings.
• Emotions and feelings are fleeting and unstable.
• Being “in love” is circumstantial, as it is based on feelings and emotions.
• Therefore, I cannot break marriage vows over feelings or “unhappiness.”

If I were to listen to some of the people who have offered me advice along with the consensus of the general population in 2018, I would have full permission to get a divorce based upon our lack of being “in love.” Ultimately, we do not personally believe that we have biblical grounds for such a move. Quite honestly, we both have had to get to a place where we decided that we are going to work at it and become transparent and pliable enough to receive and accept help from spiritually-based resources.  You’ve heard a thousand times that marriage is work, but I don’t think I ever believed it until I lived it.  We are in the process of rebuilding at ground zero, and honestly, it’s not fun.  I don’t enjoy being selfless and submitting.  There are still many days where we look at one another and are honest enough to say, “I’m struggling to do this today.”  We don’t take it personally because we know it doesn’t come from a place of hurt or resentment.  It stems from selfishness and sinful hearts, and we just have to pray for the Spirit to break us of our own desires.  The bottom line is that we are just two sinners trying to do the best we can through the grace of God. We fail a lot, but we are trying to keep going.  God alone gives us the ability to stay.  That’s it.

I share this with you for a lot of reasons.  One is so that you can pray for God to lead us and for us to be obedient to His will.  Another is so that you know that no marriage is or can ever be perfect, despite what the world of social media would have you believe.  I’d also advise you to really dig into your own relationships and be proactive in keeping them intact, and for the love of all that is holy, KEEP YOURSELF GUARDED WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE DOWN FOR THE COUNT.

Do you know how easy it is to have an affair today?  You don’t have to go down to a bar or strip club… affair-starters lie next to our beds each night on a charging cable. It’s wild. I even joined a Christian marriage advice group on Facebook and within two weeks had an unhappily married father of three trying to proposition me. Throw in the weekly fishing Instagram DMs and all of the other apps at our disposal, and it can spiral out of control SO quickly (blocking people is your friend… honestly, staying off of social media is your friend sometimes).  It can become a slippery slope if you fail to be discerning. I’ve found that it’s just proof that the enemy hates marriage because he hates what it represents (Christ and His church), and he wants that destroyed by any means possible.  While outside temptations can certainly help do that, more often than not, our own hearts—that very thing that we pledge to “give” to a partner for eternity—are often our own undoing.

I wish I could end this on a fluffy note, but honestly, I can’t say with absolute certainty that this will end “happily ever after.”  I can’t say with absolute certainty that Tristin and I will be “happy” or “in love.” But I do know for sure that we serve a God Who conquered death and the powers of hell, and that same Spirit is within us.

And so, we press on (Philippians 3:14).

If any of this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. None of us are alone.

We just have to roll up our sleeves and dig in.  It’s work.  And it hurts.  But we’re not the first ones who’ve struggled.

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Keep fighting the fight.

"The Birth in Bethlehem"

“And while they were there, the time came for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger because there was no place for them in the inn.” Luke 2:6-7

The time had come. Mary felt the pain in her lower abdomen, which shot around to her back. Then all of the sudden she felt the warm water trickle down her legs. She exclaimed, “Joseph! It is time.” Mary’s water had broke and now the time to deliver the Messiah was upon them. Scurrying around Bethlehem to deliver the baby was quite the task than most realize. Alas, Joseph finds the perfect spot, which had all they needed to bring their child, the Savior, into the world.

I want you to notice a couple of things from the text; God appointed the right time; God provided the right resources; God provided the right place for the birth of the Messiah. In other words, God was in control over the entire situation that night in Bethlehem as the Savior was born. Often times, we focus our attention on Joseph, Mary, or the wise men forgetting it was God sovereignly orchestrating all these things to bring them to pass.

I am sure there are many out there scurrying around still trying to find that perfect gift. Some may be stressed out and overwhelmed with worry and frustration about how they will pay for all the “stuff” they want to get for others. Yet, we see in the text God provided for all of Joseph and Mary’s needs. As followers of Christ, we must realize God never promised His people a life of ease and luxury. Rather, He promised us across and that our needs would be met in Christ Jesus.

What can we learn from this? God provides all His children need in Christ Jesus. We must simply look to Jesus. He is the real reason for the season. This season is not about gifts and stuff, but the eternal Son took on flesh to purchase those whom the Father had given him. Just as God met Joseph and Mary’s needs, He graciously meets our needs today as well in Christ. So, stop stressing and worrying about your situation whether it be purchasing gifts or trying to make ends meet. Jesus said, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). Look to the One who is the Perfect Gift, and gave His life a ransom in order that sinners could bring Him glory. SDG.

Oh, wondrous mystery,
That Thou, Eternal One,
Shouldst enter human history
As Mary's lowly Son!

Each baby sigh and breath
Proclaims Thee now my kin;
Oh, perfect life! Oh, Calvary death!
Atonement for my sin!

Shepherd the Flock Among You

"Therefore, I exhort the elders among you, as your fellow elder and witness of the sufferings of Christ, and a partaker also of the glory that is to be revealed, shepherd the flock of God among you, exercising oversight not under compulsion, but voluntarily, according to the will of God; and not for sordid gain, but with eagerness; nor yet as lording it over those allotted to your charge, but proving to be examples to the flock" (1 Peter 5:1-3).

     The Apostle Peter gave a final exhortation to the elders of the persecuted churches throughout "Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia" (1 Peter 1:1). These churches were highly discouraged and confused concerning persecution for their faith. Peter wrote this letter to encourage these saints to stand strong, as he reminds them over and over again of Christ's afflictions and sufferings. He reminds them not only of his sufferings but their inheritance in Christ and the blessed hope of his return again to take them to heaven. In other words, Peter's thesis was; Trust in the Lord!

     Just as Peter exhorted these first-century believers, we too are exhorted in the same manner. We are to trust in the Lord through difficult seasons in our life. And God gives faithful elders to remind God's people to stay the course in trusting the Lord. Unfortunately, there is a lot of confusion in the church today when it comes to the duties and responsibilities of the elders. It is here that Peter gives a quick description of an elder's task. First, notice the term elder is plural. In other words, Peter is assuming churches have a plurality of men who are qualified to minister to the church through the teaching and preaching of God's Word. Second, elders are to shepherd the flock among them. They are to feed, care, and protect their flock. Third, they are to oversee the flock. They are to exhort, encourage and rebuke their flock. Fourth, elders are to lead by example. They are to lead the flock by faithfully preaching God's Word and living a life above reproach.  

      The outline seems nice and neat. Yet, the ministry is not near clean cut as the outline. Ministry can be very messy at times. Ministry is messy because people are involved and we live in a fallen world. This has proved itself true over the course of my ministry, but more so these past few months than ever. And with each event, I am reminded that people are my ministry. In other words, without people, I have no ministry.  Therefore, my chief responsibility as an elder is to be as a shepherd to the flock. Hence, Peter tells the elders to "shepherd the flock that is among you" (1 Peter 5:2).

      So, what is an elder to do when there is a division among the flock? What is an elder to do when the finances are slim? What is an elder to do when a dear saint dies of cancer? What is an elder to do when a family's child has gone wayward? What do you do when a wife does not understand why her husband continually rejects Christ? What is an elder to do when a couple is headed for divorce? What is an elder to do when a member takes their own life? The Apostle Peter gives the imperative to "shepherd the flock that is among you." 

     Peter commands "shepherd the flock..." He is referring to God's people. Those he called the elect (1:1). The flock is those whom Christ has redeemed by his precious blood. The flock is those who have experienced "repentance toward God and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ" (Acts 20:21). The flock is those who hear Jesus's "voice and follow him" (John 10:27-28). These are the ones whom the elders are to shepherd. They are to preach and teach the flock. They are to pray for the flock. They are to be concerned for the flock. They are to know their flock. They are to lay down their lives for their flock. This is what it means to "shepherd the flock."

     Peter continues to write, "that is among you." Notice, Peter does not say, "the flock down the road" or "the flock you wish you had." He says, "the flock that is among you." God calls gifts and places men where He sovereignly chooses. It is not up to an elder to choose where he wants to serve, but God. God has uniquely selected the flock for the man and the man for the flock. Therefore, the elders are to shepherd the flock among them. They must have tunnel vision. They must seek the good for those whom God has entrusted to them. I am afraid too many pastors have the "greener grass syndrome." They think the grass is greener in other places. And usually, they are; because they have more manure on them. In other words, the shepherd must be focused on his flock with no plan B. 

     So, what is a pastor to do when troubles arise and ministry becomes difficult? He is to "shepherd the flock that his among him." This phrase should discourage pastors from church hopping when things get tough. Instead of trying to find a reason to leave, find a reason to stay. Ask God to give you the strength by the power of the Spirit to faithfully shepherd the flock. Continue to pursue Christ and His righteousness. Watch your life and doctrine. Most of all, when you think you can go no further...keep being faithful by looking to Jesus! SDG.

"Nine Years and Counting"

First Sunday at PHBC, Nov. 2009

November 2018

On Sunday, November 4th, I became the longest tenure Pastor of Pleasant Hill Baptist Church’s 169-year history. The church’s average stay for a pastor was two and a half years. As you can imagine, this left the church in some pretty difficult situations. Anytime a church has an influx of pastors who rarely stay more than a couple of years it normally leads to an unhealthy church.

Therefore, when my family and I were called to PHBC, I resolved to stay until the Lord moved me. Not difficult situations or mean-spirited members, but the Lord would have to move me if I was to leave. During one of my meetings with the pulpit committee in the summer of 2009, one of the members said, “We need a Pastor who will lead us.” There was no doubt in my mind that by God’s grace I could do exactly that, although it would not be easy. These past nine years have not come without their bumps, bruises, and tears.

Therefore, I’d like to share 9 realities I’ve learned while pastoring the same church for the last 9 years:

1. Not everyone who is for you, in the beginning, will remain for you. As a Pastor, there were those who loved (at least act) me and my family upon arrival. They were the ones who would go out of their way to bring us food, desserts, and vegetables when we first arrived. But when I crossed their traditions and ideas how church should be done I was written off. They were some of the first ones who wanted my head on the chopping block. I’m thankful there are those who loved us when we arrived and still love us today.

2. Not everyone who says, “I believe the Bible” really believes the Bible.
This was a shocker to me. I thought everyone wanted the Bible preached and taught. There were those who wanted the Bible taught, but according to the way, they’ve always been taught the Bible. Yet, when the Bible is faithfully preached in its immediate context, rather than what one wants it to say, all of the sudden things change. I found out people liked emotionalism and sentimentalism more than they did God's truth.

3. People will let you preach whatever you want; just don’t expect them to apply it. I have learned preaching doctrine is one thing, but it is another thing when you expect people to adhere to the Bible. For example, people will listen to a sermon on church discipline and even "Amen" you, but when you begin to practice what you preach then you’ve crossed the line. You can teach on evangelism but don't expect people to actually do evangelism. By the way, isn't that what we pay the preacher to do.

4. There are valleys and mountain tops in the life of the local church. All churches, like families, go through seasons. There are good seasons. And there are difficult seasons. There are times of plenty. There are times when it is lean. However, this does not determine what God defines as success. I have witnessed both plenty and little at PHBC. God determines success based on faithfulness (1 Cor.4:7), not nickels and noses.

5. When you honor God by preaching the truth of Scriptures you will not be popular. Jesus was popular as long as he gave the people what they wanted, but the moment he began to preach truth there was a falling away. People want to be coddled and told what they want to hear. Most people today have a god that they handle, which is nothing but an idol. When you preach the God of the Bible, you will not be popular among the crowds. Matter of fact, people will hate you, persecute and say all kinds of evil against you. Jesus said, "Rejoice! When you are persecuted for his namesake." That’s alright because I was not called to be popular. I was called to be faithful.

6. Seminary doesn’t teach you how to shepherd a church through every situation. Seminary trains you for a lot of different things as it relates to doctrine and theology. Seminary teaches you how to study. However, it did not train me for when half the people did not like my leadership and decided to leave. It didn’t prepare me how to stand before my congregation and tell them their deacon had taking his own life that Sunday morning. There was no class or book that could prepare me on how to shepherd the church through those difficult times. That is where I rely on God the Holy Spirit to guide and speak through me. He is our greatest Teacher.

7. You may have to work a secular job while you pastor. When we lost half of our congregation, we lost close to half of our finances too. The church was gracious enough to support me for two years on the same salary. I saw the writing on the wall and knew we could not keep going in the same direction. So, I encouraged the church to cut my benefits and salary. This allowed me to take on other work to help support my family. This has been a blessing in many ways to the church and me.

8. Leading a church to biblical health is hard work but Christ is worthy. In some ways, the past 9 years have been extremely difficult, yet extremely rewarding. We have seen the Lord truly regenerate and add souls to the church.  PHBC has installed two new elders, rewrote new by-laws and constitution.  PHBC has written  a more biblical and thorough church Covenant, established a new members class and handbook. The church has helped establish a Bible school and 2 new church plants in the Philippines. PHBC is active in local evangelism and outreach in our own community each May, October, and monthly door-to-door outreaches. It has not been easy and we still have a ways to go, but God's is worth it all.

9. PHBC is a very gracious church in allowing me to make mistakes and learn as their pastor. I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve made my shares of mistakes over the last 9 years. The church has allowed me to make mistakes while learning from them. I am a sinner saved by God’s grace and don’t profess to be perfect by any stretch of the imagination. God’s people have been patient, loving and supportive of their Pastor and elders as we try to lead the church to glorify God in all things. I love the flock at PHBC. I love the fact they love the Christ of the Bible and long to honor and glorify Him. I look forward to what the Lord has these next 9 years. There is no plan B.

In conclusion, we have not arrived and there is so much to do. We have not obtained the goal prize yet. By God's grace, we are still pressing toward the prize that lies before us. As I consider the last 9 years, it has been difficult in some ways. Yet, I have seen spiritual growth and fruit I would have never witnessed had I left the first two or three years. Not to mention, I have grown in my own personal walk with Christ through the adversities I have faced. There is no way I would have made it these 9 years without the support and love of my faithful wife, Samantha. She has seen me in some of my worst and darkest moments. She has been a constant source of encouragement and grace in me pressing forward.

 I will close with a quote I heard from a sermon recently on suffering. "Suffering is the prelude to glory" Phil Johnson. And I long for glory; therefore, I endure all things for the sake of His elect. SDG.